Say Everything
by XtremeGal87
Summary: HitsuMatsu OneShot. Hitsugaya comes to work one morning, to find Matsumoto already there, and knows something is wrong. But sake isn't to blame for her unusual mood, and her confession threatens everything...unless he makes a confession of his own.


_**A/N:**_ Hi! This is another idea that haunted me for a while, and I should warn you, it has a slightly OOC Matsumoto. But hopefully I've made it somewhat believable! Anyway, there, you've been warned! Please enjoy, and forgive any errors (spelling, grammatical, etc).

**Pairing(s):** HitsuMatsu (obviously), with mentions/hints of some others (Shunsui/Nanao and Renji/Rukia come to mind…). The 'others' should be small, so if they bother you, maybe you can ignore 'em?

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach in any way, shape, or form.

**Say Everything**

**Shunsui** **and** Nanao had finally been married, and the celebration had been as grand as the groom was flamboyant. All of Soul Society seemed to be there to wish them well as they swore to spend eternity together. Nanao had been swept under the eager wing of Rangiku Matsumoto, and despite her own worrying, Rangiku had done the woman proud, helping her transform into a breathtakingly beautiful bride.

The entire week leading up to the wedding was something near chaos as everyone prepared, doing their parts to get the grand hall set-up, and to get their own responsibilities taken care of early so that they could spend the day itself in celebration. But everyone agreed that the day was worth the extra effort.

Of course, because of the wedding, romance seemed to be in the air all over the Soul Society. And once the wedding was over, and the newlyweds off to celebrate, that romance didn't seem to fade away at all. Captain Unohana spent a good deal of time during the after-party talking to Captain Ukitake; Renji Abarai and Rukia Kuchiki stayed close to each other as they moved about the room to mingle with friends.

And Captain Toushirou Hitsugaya planted himself firmly in a chair on the far side of the room, a full cup of tea resting on the table before him, waiting impatiently for the party to end. The bride and groom had, after all, disappeared over an hour ago.

* * *

**"Caaptaaaiiin!"** Rangiku Matsumoto cried exuberantly as she plopped herself down into the chair beside the Captain of the 10th Division.

He lifted his icy teal gaze reluctantly from the table and raised a slim white eyebrow in silent question, knowing his less-than-sober lieutenant would continue without any verbal provocation.

He wasn't disappointed as Rangiku smiled brightly and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and clapping her hands in front of her chest. "I found you! I've been looking _**all over**_ for you! Why aren't you mingling?"

Hitsugaya sighed, his eyes closing as he took in the breath. "I've been more than social enough, Matsumoto."

"Come on, Captain," Rangiku begged, quickly reaching out and clasping both of her hands around one of his half-clenched fists which had been resting on the table. "You're not having _**any**_ fun just sitting here! I'm sure you'd have a better time if you came back with me!"

"I'm fine here," Hitsugaya insisted, telling himself not to be irritated. He knew she probably really wanted him to enjoy himself more; she certainly always was trying to get him to take life a little less seriously.

"But you could be _**better**_ out there with us!" Rangiku insisted, giving his hand a squeeze encouragingly. When she saw the frown curve his lips, she cut him off before he could speak, adding, "Please! At least come dance with me? Just one? It won't hurt, I promise!"

"I don't dance, Matsumoto," he replied sternly, pulling his hand out of her grasp.

"But _**Captain**_, what if-"

"No," he snapped, a little too harshly, before pushing his chair back. "Go back to your friends; I think I'll head home. I'll see you in the office tomorrow, Matsumoto."

Lieutenant Matsumoto watched silently, her mouth open ever-so-slightly, as her captain swiftly made his exit. Her wide eyes dimmed a bit as he left, and she felt the unexpected stinging of unshed tears. Heaving a sigh, she pushed herself up and headed towards the bar.

* * *

**The Tenth** Division Captain let his head fall back against his door after he'd shut it properly behind him. His thoughtful teal eyes rolled up as he stared, unseeing, at the ceiling above. The events of the day rolled through his mind as he tried to put them in order and he sighed. He knew he'd been too harsh on Rangiku before he'd left. He hadn't meant to be; upsetting his beautiful lieutenant was the last thing Toushirou Hitsugaya ever wanted to do.

_Damn it all,_ Hitsugaya thought exasperatedly as he pushed off of his door and made his way to his bedroom. He wasn't in the mood to do anything just then, except maybe sleep.

But sleep eluded him as he laid on his back a short while later, having bathed and changed for bed. His arms were folded beneath his still-damp head, and Hyourinmaru was propped up against the small nightstand beside his futon.

He kept seeing Rangiku as she smiled and laughed with her friends at the party. She had looked truly happy, for which he was glad. He loved the sound of her happy laughter, and the sight of her bright smile. The way her eyes sparkled and danced as she talked, gesturing wildly to accentuate her point.

Days like today were especially hard on him. When couples were dancing, sharing special looks, their hands brushing subtly together at every opportunity. He watched it all, and each gesture tore through him. Though he hated to admit it, he was jealous; jealous of each of them, and their closeness.

He would watch his lieutenant socialize with her peers, and his, and he would imagine what it might be like to share that tenderness with her. To sit beside her and wrap his arm casually around her shoulders, or to absently thread his fingers through a loose strand of her long hair. Sometimes, on days like today, he caught himself fantasizing about the feel of her slim, warm fingers dancing across his skin.

But those thoughts always led to a firm reminder of why he could never have those things; and of why he could never, no matter the temptation, let her know just how much she meant to him. And the answer was really quite simple: it was because of Gin Ichimaru.

Ichimaru had broken her heart, and though it had been a long time ago, Hitsugaya knew that sometimes it still bothered her. There were days, though they were fewer now than they had been just a decade previously, that he could see the pain trying to overtake her again. Those were the days she would quietly acquiesce to his demand to finish the paperwork, and the days she had to force the smiles.

It had been nearly fifteen years since the end of the war; since Ichimaru and the other traitors had been defeated. And after all this time, the former Captain of the Third Division still haunted Rangiku Matsumoto.

Though Toushirou knew in his heart that he would never hurt her the way Ichimaru had, he also knew that it would be heartless of him to even take that risk. Asking Rangiku to open her heart to him felt almost like a betrayal of the trust she had given him as his lieutenant. Ichimaru had been her superior, too; whether or not he had ever been _**her**_ captain was insignificant. The relationship would still be too similar; he knew it would be a similarity that would not go unnoticed by his deceptively keen lieutenant.

So no matter how desperately, at times like this, he might wish he could really call her his, Toushirou Hitsugaya knew that Rangiku Matsumoto was off-limits; even to him. Or, perhaps, especially to him.

Still, the flash of hurt in her blue eyes when he'd snapped at her earlier haunted him. It seemed even keeping her at arm's length was going to cause her pain. _Rangiku…forgive me,_ Hitsugaya thought forlornly as he finally allowed a dreamless sleep to overtake him.

* * *

**Hitsugaya entered** his office early the next morning; earlier than usual, since he hadn't slept particularly well. He'd decided to get a head-start on the day's paperwork, so that perhaps he could go home early to make up for his lack of sleep. He wondered idly how late his lieutenant would be that morning; he was sure she'd stayed out late drinking with her friends.

So it would be an understatement to say that Captain Hitsugaya was surprised to see Lieutenant Matsumoto had beaten him to the office that morning.

Of course, she was asleep on the sofa, one arm hanging awkwardly off the edge and the other draped loosely across her stomach. An empty sake bottle rested on the table in front of the couch. She was breathing deeply, her lips parted just slightly, and her strawberry-blonde hair spread out over the arm of the couch.

He found himself wondering if she'd been there all night, or if she'd for some reason stumbled in with the sunrise. Truthfully, he wasn't sure he liked the implications of either answer.

Sliding the office door shut softly, Hitsugaya took a moment to look around their shared workspace, and noted curiously that all of the paperwork that _**should**_ have been waiting on Rangiku's desk from the day before had somehow migrated to _**his**_ desk. A closer look informed the increasingly concerned captain that the papers were already signed, and there was a note on top of the pile, sloppily scrawled by his lieutenant, telling him that she wanted to take the day off to 'recuperate'.

_She did her paperwork…_**without**_ being told?_ Hitsugaya's piercing, concerned gaze returned to his slumbering lieutenant, and his frown deepened as true worry settled over him. _Is she alright?_

* * *

**Toushirou sat** at his desk for nearly half an hour, debating silently about what he should do. Rangiku still slept on the couch, though the sake bottle had migrated - with Hitsugaya's assistance - to the trash bin beside her desk. He had seriously considered just letting her sleep until she woke of her own free will; after all, her work really _**was**_ done, and he could easily handle overseeing the trainees for one day. He'd also contemplated carrying her to her quarters, where she could rest comfortably, but just as he'd decided to settle on that idea, it occurred to him that perhaps there was a reason she hadn't gone back.

And then his worry returned two-fold. It wasn't uncommon for Rangiku to take a nap, at any time of day, in the office. It wasn't even uncommon for her to do so with the aid of sake, though he tried almost desperately to prevent it. What bothered him was that she'd clearly come in, deliberately intending to do her work and be gone before he got in. It wouldn't nearly be the first time she'd tried to avoid him for some reason or another; but she'd usually avoided her work on those days, too.

Heaving a sigh, Toushirou pushed himself to his feet and made his way to the couch. He needed to wake her up, and figure out what was going on. It was the only way he was going to be able to focus on the rest of his day, and if she really was going to take the day off, he would need to be able to stay focused.

So Captain Hitsugaya knelt down before the sleeping form of Lieutenant Matsumoto and hesitated, his eyes scanning her quickly, ascertaining that she really was only sleeping. She didn't appear to be unconscious, from what he could tell. He reached out then and lightly brushed some stray locks of her hair out of her face; then he picked up her dangling arm and folded it carefully across her stomach, wrapping his hand around hers and giving it a squeeze.

"Matsumoto," he called softly, hoping to ease her out of her sleep rather than startle her.

Her delicate brow furrowed and she moaned faintly, but she didn't actually wake up.

_Damn,_ he thought fleetingly as he raised his hand and gripped her upper arm. He disliked the idea of having to shake her, but he was beginning to worry that it would become necessary. Still, he tried squeezing her arm, and this time he spoke louder. "Matsumoto. Wake up."

"Mmm," Rangiku groaned, shifting and rolling her head to the other side, as if trying to get away from the disturbance.

He grimaced and reached up, using his thumb and forefinger to tilt her face back towards him. "Get _**up**_, Lieutenant; that's an order," he declared, hoping that the firm tone of his voice was enough to get through to her.

She groaned again, but this time her lips parted, and she squinted her eyes against the intrusive light of the office. "Mm, Cap…tain?"

As her steel blue eyes pried themselves open, Hitsugaya released her face and leaned back a bit on his haunches, both of his arms now resting over his knees. When she rolled her head to the side to face him properly, he frowned at her. It wasn't his angry, or even frustrated, frown; this was the concerned frown.

"Care to tell me what happened?" Hitsugaya asked pointedly.

"Hmm? What do you mean?" Rangiku asked slowly, shifting so that she could prop herself up on her elbow, as she reached up with her other hand and rubbed her temple. "Oohh, how much did I drink?"

"The bottle was empty when I got here," Hitsugaya replied evenly.

"Really?" She paused, clearly not really requiring an answer, as her eyes shifted past him before she realized that he'd already thrown it out. Her expression turned guilty, and almost embarrassed, and she bowed her head faintly before whispering, "I'm sorry, Captain. I just sat down, and started thinking, and I guess I started drinking, too…I didn't mean to leave a mess for you."

"You didn't," he assured her. "Now tell me what's bothering you."

Rangiku blinked, lifting her head to look into his eyes for a long second, before a familiar sadness settled in her blue depths and she looked away again, replying, "It's…nothing, really. I just don't feel up to work today; but I did all my paperwork already. And I left a note on Kimura's desk to handle my training session, so that I don't burden you with my extra work."

Toushirou's frown deepened at her words. She'd clearly put a lot of preparation into her 'day off', and yet she'd still ended up half-passed out on the couch in the office? Clearly, it wasn't 'nothing'. "Matsumoto," he began, keeping his voice controlled so that she didn't think he was angry with her, "don't lie to me. Tell me what's wrong."

She hesitated with her response, clearly weighing the options, before she let herself fall back onto the arm of the couch and said quietly, "Please, Captain Hitsugaya, don't bother yourself about me. I'm just…feeling particularly useless today."

His teal eyes widened at her unexpected response, and he shifted so that he was kneeling on the ground, as he asked, "What makes you think you're useless, Lieutenant?"

She frowned, chewing slightly on her bottom lip, and he swore her eyes clouded up with unshed tears before she managed to say, "…maybe 'useless' was the wrong word."

Less than satisfied with that answer, Hitsugaya pushed, "Then what's the right one?"

"I don't know," she admitted softly, her voice trailing off as a single tear escaped. It rolled slowly down her porcelain cheek, nearly dripping off the side of her jaw.

Toushirou's hand twitched as he nearly reached up to wipe away the offensive liquid, but he restrained himself, and instead he asked, "You can tell me what's on your mind, Matsumoto; I'm not going to judge."

"No…you've never judged me, have you, Captain?" she asked rhetorically without looking at him. She swallowed, but he could tell from the tension in her jaw that she intended to continue, so he waited.

"All my life," she finally began, clenching her fists tightly as they rested on her torso, "all I've ever wanted…was someone who loved me, for _**me**_." Another tear escaped as she paused, and Hitsugaya again barely resisted the urge - the need - to wipe it away. It was tearing him up to see her like this, so clearly in pain, and know there was nothing he could do about it.

"At first," she said, sounding distant and somewhat bitter, "I thought that, maybe, I had found that…with Gin." She paused again, choosing her words, and she didn't see Hitsugaya clench his jaw, or the glare that manifested briefly on his face. "I thought he cared about me, I thought I loved him, I thought I could live with some of his…_**quirks**_."

She swallowed, fists clenching again, before she continued. "And then, when he…. I realized that I'd been wrong. And I was devastated for a while; you know that…you were there. I don't think…I could've made it through all of that…without you."

She tilted her head sideways then, offering him a half-smile as more tears glistened in her blue eyes, and said softly, "Thank you for that, by the way."

"You don't have to thank me," Toushirou assured her quietly, allowing himself to return her half-smile. "You did the same for me, remember?"

Her smile became somewhat bitter and, as she rolled her head into its previous position, she said, "You're strong; you'd have been fine without me."

Even as he opened his mouth to argue her point, as he knew damn well he _**wouldn't**_ have been, Rangiku continued, and his jaw snapped shut at her words.

"After a few years," she began, "I was able to move on, and I realized that, what I'd felt for him, it wasn't…_**real**_ love. I…know the difference, now."

Hitsugaya swallowed heavily as her words hit him. The only way she could possibly have come to the conclusion that her love for Gin Ichimaru hadn't been 'real' was if she had fallen in love with another man. And he would have to be someone who meant quite a lot to her; more, apparently, than Ichimaru ever had. _But she can't be upset…about being in _**love**_, can she? Unless,_ he realized, _whoever it is…has already broken her heart._

"This…man you're referring to," Hitsugaya began, clenching and unclenching his jaw as he tried to sound calm, "did he do something to hurt you? Is that why you're upset?"

Rangiku's eyes closed tightly for a long second, and another couple of tears escaped, before she softly, and hesitantly, replied, "No…not directly, I mean. And he didn't do it on purpose…I mean, it's…it's not his fault."

"What isn't?" Hitsugaya pushed, despite that he knew whatever it was, he already hated the man for putting her through this pain once more. It didn't matter to him if whoever it was hadn't _**meant**_ to.

"He doesn't know…how I feel," Rangiku explained, once again staring almost blankly at the ceiling above her. "And I know, no matter how much I wish I was wrong, I know…that he doesn't feel the same." She choked as a sob suddenly tried to take hold of her, and her eyes squeezed tightly shut again as she tried to restrain it. "I just…I just wish I was _**worth**_ it," she managed, her voice so quiet he almost didn't hear her.

Her words tore through him with a ferocity that nearly knocked him off-balance. As it was, he had to take a deep breath to steady himself, and as he did so he watched the pain she'd been trying to restrain finally overwhelm her.

* * *

**She dragged** in a ragged breath and raised one hand to cover her face as she finally began to sob, quietly, clutching the fabric of her uniform with her other hand.

It was more than Toushirou could bear, and the idea that she could honestly believe she wasn't worth loving propelled him to reach for her before he could talk himself out of it. He leaned forward slightly, slipping one arm beneath her to curl it around her shoulders and pull her towards him. With his other hand, he wiped some hair back from her face as she leaned willingly into him, and then he cupped the back of her head as he pressed his cheek to the crown of her head. Her sobs were getting stronger, and her whole body was shaking, as she reached her arms up to cling to his white haori.

His eyes closing, he softly whispered, "You're wrong."

Her sniffling paused as she pulled her head up to give him a confused look. "What?"

He met her gaze fearlessly, silently assuring her that he was completely serious as he said, "You _**are**_ worth it." He paused, briefly, before he added, "_**Rangiku**_."

She attempted to offer him a thankful smile that they both knew she didn't really feel, but when she failed, she sighed and pushed gently away from him. He released her somewhat reluctantly, and she leaned back against the couch, looking sad and resigned as her hands collapsed back into her lap.

"Thank you, Captain," she began quietly, refusing to meet his gaze, "but I know that's not true. There's just something…_**wrong**_ with me, I guess."

"There is _**nothing**_ wrong with you!" Hitsugaya asserted firmly, before wincing inwardly at his own tone. He sounded angry to his own ears; the last thing he wanted was for her to think he was angry with her.

Still, his declaration had at least surprised her into meeting his gaze again. She looked less than convinced, however.

After a moment of silence, she sighed softly and asked, "Then tell me what to do, Captain."

"What?" he asked, his eyes widening at her request. That was about the last thing he'd expected her to say. So he was naturally floored by what she said next.

"Tell me what to do," she repeated, "to make you love me."

Hitsugaya forgot to breathe for a long moment as her words echoed in his head. He felt frozen in time as he realized that _**he**_ was the cause of her pain. In his efforts to protect her heart, he'd completely ignored all of the signs. And now he'd caused her more pain than he ever, in his nightmares, had imagined he would.

Tears began rolling freely down her cheeks again and he snapped out of his trance. Quickly, he reached up and cupped her face in one hand, using his thumb to wipe away her tears as he looked her in the eyes and said, "All you have to do…is _**forgive**_ me, Rangiku."

Her eyes widened, confusion mixing with the pain, and she opened her mouth to ask what he meant, but he lightly covered her lips with his thumb to silence her. Then he continued, holding her gaze firmly and hoping he was correctly conveying the emotions rolling through him.

"I never meant to hurt you," he said softly. "I wanted to protect you; I thought, if I kept my distance, I could keep you from getting hurt. I was afraid that you would be worried…that I might hurt you, like Gin did." His voice cracked as he choked slightly, before he pushed on. "I didn't realize…Rangiku, I'm so sorry…by the Heavens, I swear, I could _**never**_ love you more than I do."

"You," Rangiku breathed, her blue eyes going wide again, "you…love me? Really?"

"More than anything…more than _**everything**_," Hitsugaya swore.

Rangiku's hand came up slowly as she took in what he'd said, and she covered his hand with hers, wrapping her warm, slender fingers around his hand but not actually removing it. She stared into his serious, imploring eyes, and whispered, "Captain…." And then, as she dragged in another breath, a new light ignited behind her eyes and she smiled - really smiled - and launched herself forward, into Hitsugaya's arms.

He caught her easily as she threw her arms around his neck, for once not even trying to bury his face in her cleavage, and together they fell back against the small coffee table. The table skidded back against the sudden onslaught of pressure, and Hitsugaya found himself lying beneath Rangiku on the office floor.

"I forgive you, Captain," Rangiku assured him as she held him tightly.

"Rangiku…" Hitsugaya started, before finally sighing and tightening his arms around her and shifting so that his mouth was beside her ear before he whispered, "You can call me 'Toushirou'."

Rangiku loosened her hold on him and propped herself up so that she could look into his eyes, and he saw more tears building in her eyes. "Toushirou…" she interrupted herself, giggling at saying his name, and one of the tears broke free. He shifted his hold so that he could reach up and wipe it away as she continued. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Hitsugaya assured her softly as he trailed his fingers through her hair.

A familiar tilt curved her lips then, and his heart sped up as she said, "Hmm, you know…I think I'd be a fool not to take advantage of this position."

To her surprise, Toushirou smirked and cupped the back of her head as he replied, "One thing you've never been, Lieutenant Matsumoto, is a fool."

Before she could respond, he lightly pulled her head down until their lips met. Rangiku buried her hands in his hair as their lips moved against one another, and he tightened his hold on her waist. After several seconds, Hitsugaya's tongue daringly slipped out and caressed her bottom lip, seeking entrance to the mysteries beyond. Rangiku willingly granted him permission, and their tongues were almost immediately dancing together in a battle for domination.

They kissed passionately, holding tightly to one another as they lay on the office floor. Hitsugaya shoved all rational thought from his mind as he allowed himself to get lost in the delicious taste of the woman he loved, the sensuous feel of her tongue sliding along his, and the welcome pressure of her lips moving over his own.

But, all too soon, their lungs began burning with the need for oxygen, and they were forced to pull apart - if only slightly. Rangiku leaned back, smiling honestly at him as she breathed heavily, and then she scooted just slightly down so that she could rest her head against his shoulder comfortably. Her minor shimmering motion had Toushirou's face turning a faint crimson color, but he swallowed and readjusted his hold on her without complaint.

"You know, Toushirou," Rangiku began after a moment of silence, her fingers idly dancing along the collar of his uniform, "we could _**both**_ take the day off…."

Hitsugaya sighed, unable to completely contain the smirk, and calmly replied, "_**One**_ of us has to work today, Rangiku. We both took the day off yesterday, remember?"

Rangiku lifted her head so that she could prop her chin up on his chest and offer him the full effect of her well-practiced pout as she said, "But I want to spend the day with you!"

He stared into her eyes for a long moment, allowing no signs of his consideration to show on his face, before he finally said, "If you help me with my work, since yours is done, we should be able to finish by lunch."

The smile started in her eyes before it ever lit up her face, and Rangiku immediately leapt off of him as she exclaimed, "Then what are we waiting for!"

Toushirou shook his head, chuckling faintly, as he calmly pushed himself to his feet so that he could properly begin his work day. Rangiku had already disappeared inside the small kitchen to prepare the water for his tea.

Staring after her for a long moment, Captain Hitsugaya smiled faintly. He would find a way to make up for the pain he'd inadvertently caused her, and he would prove to her just how much she really meant to him. Because, he realized, he was the luckiest man in Soul Society.

_**The End**_

_**A/N:**_ Wow…this one really got away with me! I'm not sure how it turned out…I think it's good, but I might be biased, you know? I really hope you enjoyed it! Oh, and, in case you're curious, Kimura is a name I pulled out of a proverbial hat - he's supposed to be the Third Seat (if they've ever actually introduced a 3rd Seat, I missed it, so please tell me!) of their division. Hope that wasn't too confusing. Anyway, please review and tell me what you thought!


End file.
